I watch helplessly as Nate's lips draw closer to hers. Jenny slowly closes her eyes, looking much like the way she did two days ago. Their lips finally come together, breaking my heart into a million pieces in the process. Everything seems unclear as I felt salt water at a corner of my mouth. My tears taste the same on my lips as they did on hers. Only this time, her lips are not on mine.

--

2 days ago

"Nikki, would you mind helping me with Maths after school? I don't think I got what Mr Brown said." Jenny smiled, her head turned slightly to the left. Ten years of being her best friend had taught me well. I knew that look: she was so going to make me do her homework.
Jenny knew too well how much impact her smile had on me and, to be honest, I didn't quite mind her taking advantage of it.  After all, doing Jenny's homework meant getting to spend more time alone with her, plus I was willing to do anything just to see her smile.

I nodded, my lips curved in uniform with Jenny's. She leaned in closer, her lips now gently touching my cheek. I closed my eyes, taking in the smell of her hair. We hadn't changed much for ten years. Jenny still preferred kissing my left cheek rather than the right one, the scent of lavender from her golden locks never failed to intoxicate me, and my stomach had never stopped break-dancing every time she looked at me.
Jenny pulled away, too soon if you asked me. Then again, if her lips were on my cheek a second longer, my skin just might have burnt.
"Thanks Nikki!" she said, brightening her face and mine one more time with her smile.
"Anytime." I breathed, looking deeply into her eyes, willingly losing myself in them. Anytime, Jenny. You can have me anytime.

I shifted uncomfortably on the bench. Normally, Jenny would be sketching our images on her textbooks while I finished her Maths homework. However, it seemed strange today as she was playing with her pencil restlessly while her eyes never left me. I know what you're thinking, how did I know she was looking at me if I was looking at her homework? Well, how do you think I managed to look at Jenny all the time if it wasn't for my ability to feel her presence? Love is blind, my friend, plus all my eyes could see was Jenny. Cheesy, I know, but if you had ever been in love, you'd understand.
"What're ya doing looking at me like that?" I asked, forcing myself to look up and be lost in her eyes once again.
"Uhm… No-nothing. It's just…" Jenny laughed nervously, her head turned lightly to one side as if to shake something out of her mind. Closing her eyes, Jenny inhaled deeply and finally spoke up, her voice so husky it almost came out as a whisper.
"You're so beautiful, Nikki."

All my life, Jenny took my words away from me. This time was no exception as I felt my tongue hardened. My mouth opened but no words were formed. I felt a deep blush finding its way to my cheeks as my breathing suddenly became faster. Right then, I realized something unusual with Jenny. She would've been giggling at my inability to speak at times like this, but she wasn't now. Jenny was gazing at me, a hint of sadness flashed across her beautiful face. I tried to look into her eyes for more clues but couldn't find any. Instead, I saw myself in them.
"Do you want to get out of here? Forget the homework!" She finally tore her gaze away, now looking much more composed but less like herself. Before I could respond to the question nor voice my worry, Jenny stood up and started gathering her books, leaving me no choice but to follow her. As soon as we got into her car, Jenny started driving. I looked at the road intently, then at Jenny, trying to study her expression. No words were said during the long drive, until Jenny pulled off her car at a corner of an empty street near my house and finally broke the silence.

"Nikki, I can't be your friend anymore."
What?
"What?"
"You heard it, I can't be your friend anymore." Jenny said coldly, her words stinging.
There's no way this can be true. She's just joking, Jenny is joking, my best friend is simply telling a bad joke.
My mouth went dry. I laughed hollowly, my thoughts spinning in my head. I uttered, to Jenny and more to myself "Stop joking, you're not funny, Jenny."
"I'M NOT JOKING! I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!" She yelled. Whenever Jenny yelled, she would cry an instant after. And she did. One, two, three drops of tear from my beautiful Jenny's eyes…
"I don't want to see you anymore." Sobbed Jenny, tears that filled the window to her souls now falling uncontrollably from her eyes. Without warning, she opened the door of the car and rushed outside.

Unconsciously, I hurried outside, too. Only when my palms instinctively wiped away the water blocking my view did I realize that I was crying. Right, I forgot no matter how contagious Jenny's smile was, her tears would always take a much shorter time to get to me. I bolted after Jenny, thinking of nothing but how to make her stop crying.
"Jenny!" I cried out her name, desperately trying to get her to look back at me. There was one thing I failed to remember: No matter how fast I ran, I would never catch her.
"Jenny, stop! Please, you know I can't do this."
She stopped, her body shaking. I let out a sigh of relief as I collapsed on the road. Jenny turned around to face me and, all of a sudden, dashed her way back. Before I could make sense of her move, Jenny had pulled me into her arms, embracing me so tight I couldn't breathe. I clung on to her, inhaling her scent, the scent I was so addicted to, the scent I wished to smell for life.
"I don't know what I'll do without you, Nikki." She sobbed like a child, her grip on me tightened. The next thing I knew, we were nine again, holding each other for dear life, promising to never part.

After what felt like an eternity, our tears had dried and our breathing had settled; Jenny loosened her grasp. We got off the road as she took my hand and lead me to the pavement where we leaned against the wall of an old building. The wall was cold.
Jenny's eyeliner was smudged by her own tears and now smearing all over her face. I couldn't care any less. To me, Jenny was always the most beautiful girl in this whole world, and that fact never changed. We stood and watched each other for a while until something reminded me of why we were here in the first place. I started to speak, my mouth shaking.
"Why?"
It then dawned on me that Jenny, just like me, had temporarily forgot about the situation we were in as panic was written clearly on her face. She started trembling again, until I placed my hands on either sides of her neck and kissed her forehead, what I knew could always calm her down.

Jenny took my hands in hers, giving them a gentle squeeze. She then drew in a deep breath before pulling me closer. I stepped into her arms, finding myself holding her the second time of the day. Only this time, Jenny was trailing wet kisses along my neck and shoulder. My breath hitched.
"What… what are you doing, Jenny?" I tried to speak but my words came out as a whisper. The love of my life was kissing me just how I always imagined her to, and the way she was sucking my skin was making it hard to breathe. I closed my eyes tight as Jenny continued to set my body on fire.
"Do you… feel it… Nikki?" she muttered between her kisses "do you feel it?" Before I could give her a response in the English language, Jenny touched the hollow my neck with her velvet tongue. Despite myself, I let out a moan, and that probably gave Jenny an answer as her mouth left my neck and her face traveled north to meet mine, our foreheads touching.
"I feel it, too, Nikki. I want you. I… I love you."
Her words were so beautiful; Jenny was so beautiful that I forgot how to breathe. I caressed her cheeks, my fingers tracing every contour of her face, tracing everything about her that I always love. Her features were again wet with tears and so were mine. That was the moment I would remember forever: The love of my life said she loved me.
"I love you. I always have." I whispered.
We smiled. And Jenny closed her eyes, her lips tremblingly moved closer to mine. I made sure to register to my mind how she looked then before I, too, closed my eyes and let myself lost in her.

When Jenny's lips met mine, I understood the true meaning of paradise. A whole new world of sensation unfolded when our lips, our tongues, our souls synchronized. She made me feel loved just the way I wanted to be loved, by her. Jenny tasted like raspberry mixed with red apple that we shared during lunch. After several blissful moments, Jenny was the first to pull away after giving me one last soft peck. I lazily opened my eyes and looked into hers.
"You have all of me, Jenny." I spoke softly, letting her know that I meant it.
Then I realized I must've said something wrong Jenny immediately let go of me and took a step back, her eyes refusing to meet mine.
"What's wrong, baby? Did I do something wrong?" I desperately tried to find a way to fix the situation, to hold on to the best thing that ever happened to me.
"It's not your fault, Nikki." Jenny finally said, her voice broken. My baby was crying again and it burnt me for not being able to stop it. "I'm sorry, I can't do this. I can't be with you, I'm not strong enough. I… I can't."
Once again, Jenny's lips were bruising mine. She kissed me with everything she had; she kissed me forcefully with tongue, with teeth, with her mind and her soul. I kissed her back with mine. I knew fully well that this was the second and the last kiss I'd ever have with her, that after today things were never going to be the same between us, that there might not even be anything between us at all, that Jenny would go on and fool herself by dating a bunch of boys, that I would have to watch her without being able to stop it. I kissed her with all the frustration, the love, the life I had in me. I wanted her to remember this forever, to feel the pain every single time she thinks back, to regret it every moment of her life, just like how I knew I would. I kissed her to tell her that she was the love of my life, for now and forever.
Just abruptly as how she came to me, her lips left mine and she turned her back on me to walk away one more time. I watched her car turning corner, still tasting raspberry and apple mixed with her tears and mine, my skin still burning from her touch, my head still spinning with thoughts and feelings and images of Jenny, the first girl that I ever loved, the girl that I will always love.

--

She looks up from behind Nate's shoulder; her eyes catch mine. Even from this distance, I still can see that sorrow deep in her eyes. My whole life of knowing and loving her has taught me well: She is so going to cry when she's left alone. Only this time, I'm not there for her.